I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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