I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize