hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
never play flip cup with pint glasses
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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