Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize