so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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