Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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