For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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