that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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