Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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