Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
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We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
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Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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