just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just blew my weed a kiss
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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