Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
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He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
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I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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