Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize