dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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