U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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