I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize