She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize