There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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