just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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