the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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