Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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