Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize