We're like a lot better than the average bears
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
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Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
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There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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