Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
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My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
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No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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