she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
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When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
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Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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