just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Fuck me I smell like cheese
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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