??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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