I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize