I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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