how can u be prego again
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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