I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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