I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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