i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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