just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
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You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
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Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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