I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize