You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
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Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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