fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Actions speak louder than pants.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
