Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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