they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
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I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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