apparently the secret to your success is patron
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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