When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize