Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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