Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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