Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
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It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
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You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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