I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Someone shit on the floor
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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