I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize