i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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