i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
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I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
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I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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