so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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