i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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